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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28702707">two time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_lullabies/pseuds/lemon_lullabies'>lemon_lullabies</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kiss, Fluff, Gratuitous use of italics, M/M, Misunderstandings, also gay, btw i do NOT endorse bullying, hand holding, killua is dumb, point and laugh at the little gay boy, rated for one instance of the fuck word, theyre in love your honor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:01:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28702707</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_lullabies/pseuds/lemon_lullabies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"It was then – when Killua had once again become uncomfortably aware of every touch that graced his skin – that he realized. Gon was holding his hand.</p><p>It must have happened sometime after they pulled away from the hug. Maybe as Gon’s arms loosened from around his waist. Yes, that would make sense. Killua could envision it now: Gon’s hand trailing down Killua’s arm as they separated. Gon’s fingers looping themselves through Killua’s, snapping together like puzzle pieces. But the logistics of it didn’t really matter. What mattered was that <i>Gon was still holding Killua’s hand</i> and Killua thought he might pass out. Surely “held hands with a pretty boy” was a valid medical reason for death."</p><p>Or: A whole 3k words about holding hands and misunderstandings and boys being dumb and in love. Gon thinks Killua is his boyfriend. Killua is not aware of this.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>191</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>two time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so my uni semester just started but i've been meaning to finish this piece for a little while now. it's once again inspired by my wonderful, dumb girlfriend.</p><p>i usually write pining gon/gon's pov, so this was a change of pace for me! i hope i captured killua's character/pov well enough.</p><p>that being said, please enjoy!</p><p>title is from the jack stauber song of the same name; the song isn't really related to the work but it's been stuck in my head lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started when they reunited.</p><p>Killua had barely taken three steps off the boat, legs a little wobbly from spending days at sea and suddenly meeting dry land, when he was once again whisked away from sweet, solid ground. Something – <i>someone</i> – had ensnared him; warm arms hugged his waist as he was lifted unceremoniously into the air. The same air he found himself hoisted into refused to enter his lungs. Such utter betrayal.</p><p>But Killua couldn’t focus on any of these things, because his chin had unconsciously hooked itself over <i>someone’s</i> shoulder, and he was overwhelmed with thousands of sensations all at once. In this position, his eyes, wide from surprise, were pointed straight towards the sky. It was blindingly bright, and Killua had to blink a few times as his eyes adjusted. But as soon as he had overcome <i>that</i> ambush on his senses, he was met with another. </p><p>Whoever this person was – and Killua had a pretty good guess as to who his attacker may be – was so achingly <i>warm</i>. Those sturdy arms were an inferno, pulling Killua dangerously close into the perilous blazing heat. Every inch where Killua made contact with this mysterious other tingled. His skin seemed to sizzle ominously, and yet he couldn’t help but relax into it, sighing with delight. And then Killua realized just how much of him was pressed against this person, and his eyes flew open. Wait, when had they closed in the first place? Killua suddenly generated a warmth of his own as a heady blush blossomed at the tips of his ears and spread like wildfire across his face and down his neck. Damn his pale skin. Another reason to curse the Zoldyck name.</p><p>But that wasn’t all. Oh no, the world had many more sadistic plans for poor Killua. </p><p>It wasn’t enough that <s>Gon</s> this mysterious person felt so nice as they held Killua as though he were the world. They just <i>had</i> to smell nice, too, wonderfully familiar but just a little different than he remembered. They smelled like home, and if Killua was as shameless as a certain someone he knows, he would have buried his nose in this person’s neck and inhaled deeply. Like his lungs were memorizing the sensation, engraving the scent along each capillary. Killua had missed this. He <i>really</i> missed this.</p><p>And last but certainly not least, he regained the ability to hear anything other than the ringing in his ears. The voice was deeper than he remembered. More mellow. But it was still melodic, even as no words were spoken. Instead, Killua was assaulted by bubbling laughter that melted into sobs and then morphed into some alarming amalgamation of both. He would have been more startled if he wasn’t doing the same.</p><p>All of this happened within the span of ten seconds. Ten seconds that had Killua’s mind reeling. Ten seconds that would replay in his dreams forever.</p><p>And then Gon pulled back – because of course it was Gon – and wiped the tears from his eyes with his shirt sleeve. He was grinning at Killua with the same smile from two years ago, the one that made Killua’s heart decide it wanted to join the circus with all its backflips and acrobatic endeavors. Apparently, that decision was not just a phase, as Killua had so foolishly believed, because the damn thing was back at it again, doing cartwheels in his chest – much to Killua’s distaste.</p><p>It was a fair reaction though, in all honesty, because Gon was stunning and pretty and beautiful and every other synonym in Killua’s mental thesaurus. He was exactly the same and yet oh so different. That light in his eyes were just as he remembered: somehow both piercing and soft, as though he could see straight through Killua but, in some impossible way, loved him regardless. His hair still stupidly defied gravity, and the freckles that floated like dandelion seeds over his cheeks were as vibrant and charming as ever. But the differences were appealing, too, Killua decided. Gon was taller now, more defined, and he had the most gorgeous jawline Killua had ever seen.</p><p>Shut up. He’s allowed to pine over his <i>totally mesmerizing</i> best friend. It’s not cringe, he swears.</p><p>The gods seemed to have declared an all-out war on Killua’s senses. Killua listed all five of them in his mind, lamenting his pitiful situation. Sight: ambushed by the brilliance that was Gon. Smell: smacked over the head with the fragrance of home – one he can’t believe he forgot. Touch: mauled by Gon’s warmth, setting every atom of Killua’s being on fire. Sound: attacked by the achingly tender tenor that vibrated through Killua’s ribcage. Taste…</p><p>No.</p><p><i>No no no no no no</i>.</p><p>Best not to dwell on <i>that</i> particular thought, not when Gon was standing before him in all his glory, not when Killua might be tempted to actually act on his dumb desires. He chased the ludicrous fantasy to the back of his mind, thwacking it carelessly with a broom.</p><p>“Killua,” Gon barely whispered, and yet he made the syllables sound reverent. A prayer.</p><p>“Gon,” Killua couldn’t help but parrot back. He was trapped in Gon’s intense gaze, but he wasn’t sure he would want to escape anyway. He’d lean into those eyes if he could, and maybe he’s as dumb as a fruit fly that way: willing to dive into something he would inevitably drown in. “I’ve missed you,” he breathed, too caught in the moment to be adequately embarrassed by his own words.</p><p>“I missed you too.” And then there was a hand tucking a stray curl behind Killua’s ear. That same god-forsaken ear decided to betray him, turning a brilliant red in the wake of Gon’s touch. Damn, he was pathetic, heart beating against his ribs like a trembling baby bird.</p><p>It was then – when Killua had once again become uncomfortably aware of every touch that graced his skin – that he realized. Gon was holding his hand.</p><p>It must have happened sometime after they pulled away from the hug. Maybe as Gon’s arms loosened from around his waist. Yes, that would make sense. Killua could envision it now: Gon’s hand trailing down Killua’s arm as they separated. Gon’s fingers looping themselves through Killua’s, snapping together like puzzle pieces. But the logistics of it didn’t really matter. What mattered was that <i>Gon was still holding Killua’s hand</i> and Killua thought he might pass out. Surely “held hands with a pretty boy” was a valid medical reason for death.</p><p>“Killua?” Gon’s question pulled Killua out of his thoughts, and great, now Killua was staring into Gon’s eyes again and any hope of coherent words leaving his mouth immediately evaporated. “Killua,” Gon repeated, eyebrows scrunching in worry, “are you alright?”</p><p>“I, uh… Um, yeah. I’m good.” How elegant. You truly have a way with words, Killua. He swallowed. “You’re holding my hand.”</p><p>In his mind, Killua slammed the palm of his hand into his forehead repeatedly. <i>Dumb, dumb, stupid</i>. Way to point out the obvious, dumbass. He thought he was over this. This frustrating way that Gon could scramble his brains with a simple smile, the touch of a hand. Surely two years would have cured his Gon-induced affliction. To his exasperation, he wasn’t cured.</p><p>Gon, infuriatingly, wasn’t as affected by the simple touch as Killua. “Mhm! I like Killua’s hands!”</p><p>Killua didn’t say anything for a moment. And then, after sucking in a shallow breath through his teeth, “Why are you holding my hand?”</p><p>“Do you not like it?” The waver in Gon’s voice was what ultimately motivated Killua to look up and brave the sight of his eyes again. He sounded almost… worried.</p><p>“I didn’t say that…” Killua mumbled into the void between their bodies. Hey Google: how to extinguish your friend’s worry while not giving away the fact that you just may be in love with him?</p><p>With Killua’s reassurance, the grin on Gon’s face returned with fervor, and his grip on Killua’s hand tightened just barely. The gentle squeeze nonetheless sent a jolt through Killua’s body, a hiccup to his heartbeat.</p><p>The world continued on around them, apathetic to Killua’s torment. Strangers on the street carried on with their business without a second glance at the union of two boys, no, of two stars perpetually caught in each other’s orbit. Items were purchased, transactions were made, money was passed from hand to hand. Birds stared down passers-by from their perch. Squirrels scampered fearlessly past leather shoes on their search for the next meal. Clouds congealed gracefully in the sky. And two boys rewrote the meaning of love in the tiny pocket of air between their entwined palms.</p><p>“I think I want to hold your hand forever,” Gon announced to the unsuspecting sky, eyes trained on Killua and Killua alone.</p><p>And Killua, in an odd moment of braveness, replied “I don’t see why you can’t.”</p><p>That was how it started.</p><p>And it didn’t stop. The handholding, that is. In fact, it got <i>worse</i>. Gon would grab his hand on the slightest whim: in the streets, on the couch, while making dinner. And then, one night, Gon had refused to release Killua’s hand, even as they laid in separate beds. It had been a little uncomfortable, gravity beckoning their joined hands towards the carpet as they breached the chasm between their positions, but it was… nice. Very nice. Exceedingly nice. Killua was only a little (a lot) disappointed when he awoke to find that their grasps had slackened in their sleep so that their fingers only just brushed against each other.  Eventually, they gave in and shared a bed; their fingers remained tangled together until morning.</p><p>But it was just handholding. That could totally be platonic. Gon’s love language was clearly physical touch. It was obvious in the way he continued to leap on Leorio’s back despite being 17, the way he leaned against Kurapika when he was tired, the way he rubbed soothing circles on Nanika’s back when she struggled to learn the alphabet. Gon was an avid hugger, embracing anyone who deigned to smile in his direction. Holding Killua’s hand wasn’t anything special. And Killua reminded himself of that on the daily, whenever butterflies erupted in his stomach as Gon randomly twined their fingers together.</p><p><i>Platonic, platonic, platonic</i> he mentally chanted to himself. He let himself enjoy it, that swooping in his stomach when their palms slid against each other perfectly. He allowed this indulgence, perhaps because it made Gon smile that beautifully blinding smile of his, and Killua would be a monster for preventing that smile from being as vibrant as possible. But he had to remember that this was <i>as friends</i>.</p><p>He was scared. Of course he was. Because what if he messed this up? What if Gon decided he actually hated Killua’s hands? Hands that were molded into weapons, hands that tore life away, hands that still somehow felt soaked in blood no matter how long he scrubbed at them under freezing water. It would make sense, really. But it would leave Killua aching for something he once had and would never again experience. He was okay with taking only what Gon would give him – really, he was – but he doubted he could hold himself together if he lost something Gon had so graciously gifted him.</p><p>People say it’s better to have loved and lost, but Killua was seriously skeptical. It would have been better to never have had it than for it to be torn away.</p><p>They were in York New right now, nearly six months since Gon had stolen his hand that fateful day. Not that Killua was counting or anything. And, of course, Gon was currently clutching his hand in something that might be considered a death grip. Killua was just pleased that Gon would want to hold his hand among this throng of people, that his grip had tightened possessively as if he was tethering Killua to his side.</p><p>Gon kept sending him these strange looks. Killua was used to those expressions of admiration by now despite how embarrassing it was. Gon had never hid his awe at Killua’s abilities – of Killua himself. But these passing glances held something more, and it made Killua’s gut twist in a way he wasn’t sure if he liked. Those eyes held something… softer. Something gentler than pride, something deeper than admiration. Killua was hesitant to even think it, but it was something akin to love. A boundless joy and wonder.</p><p>The 18th furtive glance (again, not that Killua was counting) occurred while they were crossing the busy streets, swarmed by other pedestrians hurrying by before the light turned green and the cars would not hesitate to run them over. Just city things. Killua had half a mind to scold Gon, admonish him for not watching where he was going in the midst of the chaos. But just as he had opened his mouth, Gon stopped in his tracks, causing Killua to bump into him in surprise.</p><p>“What are you doing?” he hissed, not even trying to hide his displeasure at the turn of events.</p><p>His words went unnoticed as Gon triumphantly raised their joined hands in the air, yelled “this is my boyfriend!!!” and kissed Killua right on the lips.</p><p>What. The. <i>Fuck???</i></p><p>Killua was still recalibrating his brain as a few teenaged girls cheered and others continued by irritably.  He stumbled after Gon as he pulled them the rest of the way across the street. He probably looked stupid, eyes vacant and mouth agape, but he couldn’t care less. He was still trying to process what just happened.</p><p><i>Boyfriend</i>??? Surely Killua had misheard him, but no, because then Gon had turned around and <i>kissed</i> him. The kiss had lasted somewhere between half a second and all of eternity (this time, Killua had been too shocked to count,) and that couldn’t have been a hallucination, right? Wait, was this some sort of convoluted fever dream? </p><p>He pinched himself with his free hand.</p><p>Okay, so not a fever dream.</p><p>It was only then when he fully regained control of his bodily functions, resisting Gon’s incessant yanking and instead making a beeline for the nearest alleyway. Gon let out an “oof” as his momentum caused him to stumble, allowing Killua to drag him away from the streets with little struggle.</p><p>“Killua—"</p><p>“Don’t ‘Killua’ me! What was that back there?”</p><p>Gon had the nerve to look sheepish. “I’m just so happy, I wanted to show you off! Because I’m lucky enough to call you mine and I want everyone to know!” He paused. “Is that… Is that not okay?”</p><p>He was met with silence, and his face crumpled as he dropped Killua’s hand.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Killua. I should have known better. You’re probably ashamed of me or something. I mean, how could I ever be worthy—”</p><p>What? How could Gon <i>ever</i> think he was anything less than ethereal in Killua’s eyes? Ashamed? Never. He had to stop this lunacy before it evolved into something even more preposterous.</p><p>“Gon! Would you shut up and let me talk?” Killua snatched Gon’s hand back and cradled it in both of his own.</p><p>Gon’s jaw snapped shut, the words dying on his tongue.</p><p>“Why did you call me your boyfriend?” Killua articulated the words nice and slow, just in case his message wasn’t clear.</p><p>“Um, because you’re my boyfriend?” The statement sounded more like a question, Gon’s voice raising in pitch towards the end. His eyebrows pinched together, and his lips twisted in an expression of uncertainty.</p><p>Killua blanched. “Why wasn’t I let in on this important detail?”</p><p>Gon looked so confused that Killua almost felt bad for him. But he was too busy waiting impatiently for his answer, his foot tapping loudly against the concrete and echoing throughout the otherwise silent alleyway.</p><p>“Killua…” This time, it was Gon whose words were slow, as if Killua was an ignorant child, “You said I could hold your hand forever… We’ve been holding hands and cuddling for months! I didn’t want to go any further because I was letting you set the pace. I’ve been too selfish in the past.” A shadow of something Killua didn’t like passed across his face, but as quickly as it appeared, it vanished. “So Killua should get to decide what he wants and when.” He tilted his head and offered a shy smile that wasn’t allowed to be so cute. God damn it, Killua’s frustration was already receding.</p><p>“But you’re so touchy-feely with everyone! How was I supposed to know I was any different from, like, Leorio?”</p><p>Gon made a face of incredulity and disgust. “No way I would ever kiss Leorio! Ew, ew, ew!” He pranced back and forth on his feet to embellish his discomfort. “I only want to kiss Killua!”</p><p>Killua immediately flushed beet red, slamming a hand over Gon’s mouth. “You can’t say that, dumbass!” His eyes frantically searched the area, looking for anyone that may have overheard Gon’s shameless statement.</p><p>Gon covered Killua’s hand with his own, dragging it away from his mouth. “But it’s true! Killua, did you really not notice how special you are to me? Do you see me constantly holding hands with anyone else? Did you not catch me staring at you every five seconds?”</p><p>Okay, so now Killua felt a little dumb. Of course he had noticed these things; he had obsessed over them non-stop for the past six months. But he’d dismissed them all as something out of his imagination, something small and meaningless that he was just making a big deal out of. He never once let himself envision that all these small things added up to one <i>big</i> thing, that maybe Gon was doing these things on purpose because he <i>liked</i> Killua.</p><p>Killua’s silence only made Gon more anxious. “I’m sorry that I was so selfish. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that, especially in front of so many people. That was really dumb—”</p><p>He abruptly shut his mouth and stared, wide eyed and dumbfounded, as Killua brought Gon’s hand to his chest and laid it flat over his heart. It was beating furiously, a relentless downpour inside his chest.</p><p>“Kiss me again.”</p><p>And that was all the encouragement Gon needed. He swooped in to claim Killua’s lips, hands still sandwiched between them, hearts beating in time. This time, Killua felt no remorse for his indulgence as he kissed back with vigor. He was suddenly warm all over, tingly from head to toe, and it wasn’t at all like people described it. It was sloppy and inexperienced and – as all things with Gon tended to be – a little bit reckless. But surrounded by everything and anything <i>Gon</i>, Killua found he didn’t really care.</p><p>They pulled back just barely to catch their breath, and Killua whispered “again,” breath teasing against Gon’s lips.</p><p>They didn’t leave the alley for a while.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this all started from a text conversation where i told my girlfriend that i would kiss her in the middle of the street to show her off and it evolved into this monstrosity. i hope you enjoyed, tho! drop a comment if you want, even the smallest things make me smile :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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